


Try, Try Again

by relic_amaranth



Series: Happy Steve Bingo 2018 [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alzheimer's Disease, Angst, Bad dates, Bisexual Disaster Steve Rogers, Dementia, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Happy Steve Bingo, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, M/M, Matchmaker Natasha Romanov, Multi, Non-Consensual Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 17:57:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16100828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/relic_amaranth/pseuds/relic_amaranth
Summary: Steve tried to move on in the new age, but nothing felt quite right. Luckily, a little piece of home came back to him.





	Try, Try Again

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Happy Steve Bingo; fill for “First Kiss”
> 
> **Special note: This is may be tmi but whatever: my grandma had dementia and as many times as I have watched CA: TWS I have never, ever, ever been able to watch that scene with Peggy in the home and I never, ever, ever will. What I portray in the story is based more on personal experience and might not match how her situation plays on screen. I know, it’s a blip, most of you probably don’t care, but I really don’t wanna read any comments about how ‘this was okay, but that thing with Peggy felt weird’ so I’m just covering my bases =)
> 
> A/N: This is kind of weird but I like how it turned out. It was supposed to be short but I had too much fun torturing Steve with awful dates. Poor Steve. Getting to that “Mystery Men” reference was worth it though <3 Anyways, it’s majority fluffy and filled with some bad smooches but also some very good smooches. Please enjoy!

 

_“Was that your first kiss since 1945?”_

 

Bucky pulls back, making a sound that’s somewhere between a snicker and a chuckle but also too breathy to be either. Steve’ll take it. He’ll take all of it.

“You kiss like it’s your first time,” Bucky says and props his head up on his right arm.

“Is that a good thing?” Steve asks.

“Sure.” Bucky smirks. “If you wanna knock my teeth out.”

Steve rolls his eyes and turns away from Bucky. But Bucky drapes himself over Steve and Steve doesn’t shrug him off even when he says, “You’re such a fucking jerk sometimes.”

“Mm hm. You sound real upset about it,” Bucky drawls and Steve keeps his smile hidden. Kissing may not be as far in the past as Bucky and Natasha seem to think, but Steve is almost certain he hasn’t smiled this much since World War II. Which is exactly as sad as it sounds.

But Bucky is here now, and Steve turns back to him so that they can kiss again. This time Steve keeps a lid on his excitement and Bucky audibly approves even before they part. “Guess you got some practice in after all.”

“Mm.” Steve rests his head on the pillow and his hand on Bucky’s side. “A little.”

“How much is a little?”

Steve studies Bucky but Bucky shrugs. “I ain't jealous,” he says and mirrors Steve’s position with his new prosthetic; lighter and gentler but easily as strong as the last. His touch is hesitant so Steve smiles at him encouragingly until Bucky relaxes that shoulder. “I’m just curious.”

“Curious,” Steve repeats suspiciously.

“Curious,” Bucky confirms with a smirk. It falls. “I hope you didn’t just waste away like a war widow when you thought I was gone.”

Steve shifts uncomfortably.

 

_The first kiss of the new millennium was with Peggy._

_He had avoided it. He had read the files and done the research; had agonized over whether or not his presence would hurt or (hopefully) do nothing. In the end it was the selfish thought that, if reversed, he would want to see her._

_Also, somebody had probably already told her about him and if he didn’t go soon he was liable to get laid out._

_He didn’t get laid out, but he did get socked in the jaw. Because Peggy Carter was still Peggy Carter, no matter age or health._

_“Sorry Peggy,” he said and sat down, rubbing just under his cheek. “It’s been…overwhelming.”_

_“Not so overwhelming that you couldn’t stop to fight off an alien invasion.” Her stern look matched her very unsympathetic tone._

_“Well…punching weird-looking guys over a glowing blue box is actually the most familiar thing I’ve done,” Steve said and managed a smile._

_Peggy rolled her eyes._

_It was a nice visit, but eventually she got…tired. She spaced out, at one point was shocked by the sight of him, and didn’t say much after that._

_“Sorry to stay so long,” Steve said as he shrugged on his jacket. Peggy let out a little grunt but her gaze was on a point somewhere, somewhen, else. She shut her eyes and Steve hesitated as he watched her drift off, suddenly so frail. Peggy Carter, after a lifetime. Someone who saw Steve before the serum; the only one who knew about him and Bucky but also knew Steve had enough love for the both of them and was fine with it._

_Peggy, who had lived a lifetime, and Bucky, who had been gone a lifetime. Lost in different ways, but lost all the same._

_“Goodbye, Peggy,” Steve whispered and pressed a kiss to her partly open lips._

_He went back to visit after that, of course, but it was never the same. He had made his peace._

 

“Jesus Christ; you’re like one of those monks that whips themselves,” Bucky mutters but pulls Steve into his arms.

“Shut up.” Steve snuggles into his hold and they both take a few moments to compose themselves.

“I, uh…” Steve clears his throat. “I went on a few dates.”

“Oh yeah? How’d _that_ go?”

“A couple were fine. Some of them were…” Steve considers. “Bad.”

“How bad?”

 

_The first date was so bad Steve ended up honestly considering celibacy._

 

“There’s no way it was that bad.”

 

_Whitney was very pretty but she was also very excited to be on a date with “Captain America!”_

_“Um, Steve, please,” Steve said. She smiled indulgently and ignored the request entirely. When she couldn’t get any exciting information about living in New York or what it was like being Tony Stark’s friend, she talked a lot about herself, rebuffed any question Steve asked if it didn’t interest her, and made an off-color joke that sounded like what someone in the present thought someone in the thirties might be okay with. It just made Steve’s skin crawl._

_At the end of the night he was happy to leave her at her door with a simple goodbye but she grabbed his face and yanked him into a kiss he wasn’t sure how to break out of without hurting her, and then invited him up._

_Steve escaped her clutches, politely wished her well, and ran away._

 

“Brave Captain America.”

“Shut up; you don’t _know_ Bucky. It was so awkward.”

“You’re laughing now.”

“It’s funnier in hindsight.”

“Uh huh. What about the other disasters?”

“You are such a jerk.”

 

_Cynthia was…shy. Practically frozen in fear, honestly, to the point where Steve felt bad and wondered how much she actually wanted to be on this date. He weathered it the best he could for the both of them, trying to get her to open up and then filling the air with talk about nothing when he failed. By the end of the night he was exhausted and felt nothing but relief when they arrived at her door._

_To his surprise she blinked, actually looked sort of alive, gave him the quickest peck on the lips any human had probably managed before, and slammed the door in his face before he had time to register it._

 

“What the hell?”

“I have no idea.”

 

_The next one was Sara. Steve was hesitant based on name alone, but Natasha was too confident to be swayed._

_Sara was sweet but nervous. Not in the same way as Cynthia, but Steve noticed her fidgeting. As soon as the waiter left them she said, “I need to tell you something.”_

_Steve doubted she secretly worked for Hydra, however her tone of voice made him shut his menu. “Please don’t tell me I have to watch out for an angry boyfriend.”_

_“Um…no.” Her smile was a little wild, like she thought that was funnier than it was. “You seem very…trustworthy; I don’t know, I can’t explain it. Can you keep a secret?”_

_Steve nodded._

_“I’m a lesbian.”_

_“Oh.” No angry boyfriend then, thankfully. Hopefully no angry girlfriend. “You're not out?”_

_She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to lead you on, but…”_

_“It’s okay,” Steve said, trying to be as reassuring as possible. He felt a little relieved, actually, and he picked his menu back up. “We should at least go on this one date, though, if only to keep your cover.”_

_Her relieved smile was so beautiful that Steve was momentarily sad she wasn’t attracted to men. Momentarily. Because dinner was fantastic, Sara was charming and easy to talk to, and then they went bowling where she not only utterly destroyed him, but also mocked him at every opportunity._

_It was great._

_“It’s a good thing you don’t use a bowling ball to save the world.” She winked at him. “You’re no Bowler.”_

_“You laugh now but we’ll see how you feel when we play Ultimate Frisbee,” Steve said, trying to fit his fingers into the holes. Of the ball. The bowling ball._

 

“Jesus Christ Stevie.”

“Stop laughing at me you asshole.”

 

_At the end of the night, she gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek, and he returned the gesture._

_They went on a few more dates before Sara found a girlfriend and the courage to come out to a family more supportive than she had dreamed of. She eventually got an offer to be the face of a new plus-size clothing line and her girlfriend got an amazing job offer that took her out to San Francisco, so Sara had to split her time between New York and California._

_“The whole time?” Natasha asked. She sounded impressed._

_“Yeah.” Steve shrugged. “She didn’t want to mislead me. You really didn’t know?”_

_“No.”_

_“Was she an agent?”_

_“Clerical.”_

_“She’s good.”_

_“Hm,” Natasha said, like she agreed, but there was something else to it._

_Steve found out what that ‘something else’ was on the next date._

_Jeremy had orange-red hair and enough freckles for five people to look decently sun-kissed. He was a second-generation American who had been raised by his grandmother and despite the difference in years, he and Steve found quite a bit in common in being raised by Irish immigrants._

_At the end of the date they kissed goodnight and it was a little stiff, but it was only the first time, and Steve was willing to give it another chance. However all of Steve’s attempts to get in touch with Jeremy were ignored and Jeremy also never initiated contact. After two weeks, Steve gave up._

_“How’s the cute redhead?”_

_“I don’t know, Natasha. How are you?” Steve said and shut his locker to see her leaning against the next one over._

_She was, as always, unimpressed. “You know what I meant. But I’m fine, thanks.”_

_Steve picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “I tried to call and text but he never got back to me.”_

_Natasha’s eyes narrowed. “Do you want me to talk to him?”_

_“No,” Steve said. “If someone is that disinterested, I’m not going to waste my time.”_

 

“Nice of him to help you dodge that bullet.”

“I thought so too.”

 

_Henry was just fucking awful._

_Natasha had actually cautioned him on this one, saying he was a friend of a fr– well, acquaintance but Steve thought ‘what the hell’. He figured if he didn’t get out there he’d never know._

_He was better off not knowing, in this case._

_Henry seemed nice at first but he kept ordering drink after drink after drink, and the more he drank the worse he got. Until–_

_“So the fat black chick you went out with,” Henry slurred and Steve formed a fist on instinct. “Was she the one who chased you off women, or were you already done by that point and just trying to score some progress-o points?”_

_Sometimes Steve missed the days of being small, so he could really hit someone and not feel guilty about severely hurting them. “We’re done,” Steve said and stood, throwing enough money on the table to cover his bill._

_Henry attempted to convince Steve to stay with a slobbery, alcohol-burnt kiss. Somehow, Steve resisted the temptation._

_After that, Henry tried to spread some nasty rumors about ‘Captain America’ being homophobic but he had enough of a reputation that those fizzled quickly. Also, while Steve wasn’t exactly ‘out’, he had found a couple of lgbtqia+ bars he found to be calming and spent enough time in them as to have been, apparently, ‘adopted’ by a few members of the community, who helped silently quash that nonsense._

_It was Marco who helped Steve finally figure it all out._

_“You’re missing someone,” he said suddenly._

_Steve blinked and looked up from his coffee. “I…well, I suppose so? I miss a lot of people.”_

_“No, not like that. Like–” Marco waved his hand and then looked away, like he was recalling a memory. “After my dad died, my mom– she tried to date, tried to move on. She just didn’t realize how much he was it for her.”_

_Steve wasn’t sure what to make of that. But it came like a dawning realization; it felt true. He had never consciously written anyone off, but– “Marco, I’m so sorry, I–”_

_“It’s all right,” Marco said. “She didn’t realize it for a long time. And it must be tough for you, with…Agent Carter.”_

_Steve hesitated, but then admitted, “And Bucky.”_

_Marco blinked and leaned in to whisper, “Wait…both?!”_

_Steve rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. “Your generation thinks it invented **everything**.”_

_Marco laughed and the rest of the date passed with friendly chatter and good food. As they stood outside, ready to part, Steve cupped Marco’s cheek and placed a gentle kiss on the other side. “Thank you.”_

_“Y-yeah; of course,” Marco mumbled and ducked his head, trying to hide a goofy smile. He swallowed and then took a deep breath. “Take care, Captain. Time doesn’t fix shit but we get better.”_

_“I’ll keep that in mind,” Steve said and left without asking what happened with Marco’s mother. He was pretty sure he knew._

 

Bucky is silent.

“I’m sorry, Bucky.” Steve runs his hand over Bucky’s chest; marvels at the warmth. “In the end it was…too much. Too much loss, and I couldn’t handle it.”

“I…get it.” Bucky slides his hand over Steve’s and squeezes. “I don’t like it, but I get it.”

“Hmm.”

“Was that the last one?”

Steve swallows. “Not exactly…”

 

_Steve made sure that Natasha knew Marco was a great guy, but he avoided her attempts to set him up thereafter. Some people never had any love in their life and Steve had been lucky enough to have two. He consoled himself with happier memories. He would be alone, but it would be okay._

_Enter Sam Wilson._

 

“Peggy’s right; you are a dramatic bitch.”

“That’s not what she said.”

“It’s what she meant.”

“Okay. Next time I see her I’ll tell her you said that. We’ll see if she doesn’t deck you.”

“…Dramatic _bastard_.”

“Thank you.”

“And a Goddamn sni–”

 

_In any case._

_Sam was one of the most attractive people Steve had ever laid eyes on. He was also kind and capable, Steve found out while watching Sam help out another runner who took their route a little too seriously. And he had the best laugh Steve had heard in a long time. Steve had no idea how to introduce himself, so for a week he just shared the same route and gathered his courage._

_He eventually got tired of waiting for the right moment, though._

 

“Shocking.”

 

_So he decided to go for it._

_“On your left!”_

 

Bucky listens to Steve explain his attempt at flirting, and holds his hand over his face. “I can’t believe you sometimes, Rogers.”

“He invited me over though,” Steve says with a shrug. “So I musta done something right.”

“You’re lucky you’re pretty.”

 

_Not wanting to lead him astray, Steve told him as gently as he could that he wasn’t looking for a romantic relationship._

_“Oh, of course; I get that,” Sam said and Steve could tell he was thrown off course._

_“Let me finish,” Steve said. “I can’t do romantic. But I can do casual– if you’re interested.”_

_Sam considered him, back on track, and sauntered over. “What makes you think I’m interested?”_

_Steve let his eyes slowly drift down Sam’s body, going from his lips, to his throat, slowing appreciatively down his chest, and stopping at his groin where Sam was most certainly showing interest. Just to test, though, Steve stared and licked his lips and– yeah, there was no mistaking that interest, now._

_“Shit,” Sam groaned and laughed. “You're dangerous, Rogers.”_

_Steve made eye contact with Sam and tried to look like the choir boy everyone else tried to make him out to be. “Wha’d’you mean?”_

_Sam rolled his eyes but moved in closer. “Shut up.”_

_“Make me.”_

_For a guy who said he didn’t like taking orders, Sam was only too happy to comply. Not that Steve was going to bring it up. He wasn’t sure if it was because he had let go of his expectations, or if it was the innate kinship he felt with him, or if Sam was just that good, but it felt comfortable. It was wonderful and safe and everything he had missed in a partner. Well, almost everything, but it was good. It was so good._

 

“Goddamn.”

Steve looks at Bucky and can’t help but smirk at his glazed stare. “You okay there, Buck? You seem to really like hearing about this one.”

Bucky scoffs. “I’ve got eyes, Rogers, and Sam Wilson is a damn fine piece.” He snuggles in closer to Steve. “Did he ruin you for everyone else?”

“You could say that. He would.” Steve lets his eyes shut. “Everything with SHIELD and Hydra happened pretty quickly after that. I think… _technically_ , my last kiss was with Natasha.”

“Seriously?”

Steve snorts. “We were trying to hide from Rumlow and had no way to dodge him. That was her way of hiding in plain sight.”

“Oh.” Bucky sounds a little disappointed. “That doesn’t count.”

“No,” Steve agrees. He’s ready to drift off, but Bucky shifts.

“So…on a scale of ‘Henry’ to ‘Sam,’ how do I rate?”

“Hm…” Steve opens his eyes and his lips curl into a smile. “A solid James Buchanan Barnes.”

Bucky is silent.

For a moment.

“But seriously.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Steve does. It’s not the first kiss of the new millennium, but it’s the first one that really matters.


End file.
